I can't sleep.
I hate that.
When your mind is racing a mile a minute and you just can't shut it off.
And you lie there in bed knowing that you only have 5 hours until you have to get up for work. And then it's even harder for you to fall asleep because you're hyper aware of the minutes slowly ticking away. And it sucks, cause it's not like you can make yourself fall asleep.
sigh...
When I was little, I used to have nights like these, where I was awake long after I should be. Except back then, it was because I smuggled books underneath my covers and read all night. My problem, as it so often is in my life, was that I had no will power. I didn't have the ability to stop myself at a reasonable hour so that I could get a good night's sleep. I would tell myself, "I'm just going to read until the end of this chapter." But of course, chapters always end in a cliffhanger. So then I would think, "I have to find out what happens. Just one more chapter and then I'll go to sleep." It was always just one more chapter.
A year and a half ago, after my boyfriend left for the Peace Corps, I also had nights like these. Except it wasn't becuase I wasn't tired or because I was wrapped up in a book. It was because the apartment was too quiet. The bed was too big. The room was too dark. For months I slept with every light blazing and my DVDs of Dirty Jobs playing in the background. I piled up the pillows around me and curled up as I waited for the emptiness to go away.
This is going to sound like a non sequitor, but you know what was on tv the other day? Three Men and a Baby. I know, classic right? Back in the 80s when the Gut was in his prime. It's one of those movies that comes on so frequently that it's like an old ratty sweatshirt; it's may be old and faded, but it's so worn in that it's become one of your favorite things to lounge around in. So I had the movie playing as I did some homework, totally not paying attention to what was going on in the movie, when the lullaby scene came on. You know the one--Ted Danson, Steve Guttenberg, and Tom Selleck are crouched around the baby's crib trying to get her to fall asleep. So of course they start singing a song from the 1950s called "Goodnight, Sweetheart, Goodnight." And it's one of those moments that makes every woman's ovaries sing; three grown men (one of whom is Tom Selleck for criss sakes) softly crooning to this teeny tiny baby. Whoever isn't moved by that moment has no heart.
Anyway, my point is: I could use some a capella doo-wop from the boys right about now.
