A-B-C, easy as 1-2-3

Today in my multicultural education class, we were asked to share a memory of what kindergarten was like for us.  Now, I have a ridiculously bad memory.  I can't remember what I ate for dinner two nights ago, let alone try to remember something 20 years ago.  Holy crap, has it really been 20 years since I was in kindergarten?!  What the hell have I been doing for the last two decades?  Shouldn't I have done something momentous and outstanding by now?  Sigh...

...[Cough] Anyway!  Where was I?  Oh yes, kindergarten memories.  As I was saying, I had a really hard time coming up with anything.  Honestly, the only thing I remember from kindergarten was this big cardboard shoe tacked to the wall, where we could practice tying extra-large shoelaces.  Seriously.  This is all I remember--and these days I don't even wear lace-up shoes, so I don't really have anything to show for it.  You know, it's actually kind of depressing that I can't remember anything else.  Here I am, hoping to make a career out of being an Early Childhood teacher, hoping that I will make a lasting impact on countless lives, and I can't even remember what my own kindergarten teacher looked like.  Fanfreakintastic.

Apparently, there's a book out there called All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.  From what I gather, it's all about the fact that if more adults adhered to the rules of kindergarten, the world would be a better place.  Ok, well, I can see the logic in that.  In kindergarten, we focus on sharing, cooperation, problem solving, self-control, thoughtful inquiry, etc.  All good ideas to live by.  Problem is?  Even kindergarteners don't adhere to those rules.  Nobody does.  Oh my god, I just realized--if people actually acted that way all the time, it would be like a continuous episode of Barney.  Yuck.

Guess what?  There's a revised edition of the book!  It hasn't been released to the public yet, but being as I'm "An Educator", I got an advanced copy.  The following is a sneak peak at the Table of Contents:

1. Digging for gold:  You know what they say--one man's mucus is another man's treasure.
2. Of Lice and Men:  Knowing how to make your ideas spread so fast, they'll make people's head itch with excitement.  
3. No Tag-Backs:  Learning how to place responsibility on your coworkers in a way that ensures your immunity from potential problems.
4. Shooting for the Target:  Striving to "get it all in the bowl," no matter how many times you might miss.
5. Tough Love:  Sometimes it takes a little push (and shove. and sand throwing. and name calling. and hair pulling. and pinching.) to get the results that you want.  

There's more, but you'll just have to go out to your local Barnes and Noble and buy your own copy.  Trust me, it's a lot more helpful than the first edition.  None of that "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family" crap.