You know what almost every teacher I ever had wrote on almost every report card I ever got? "Andrea is a joy to have in this class." In other words, I was a teacher's pet. I always turned my homework in on time. I always followed directions. I never went against the rules. I never got bad grades. I managed to get through both middle and high school without ever having to serve detention. And I'm fairly sure that for a long time, my brother hated me because of my goody-goody tendencies. Any tiny little mistake on his part was instantly magnified 100x because my parents had nothing to compare it to. I don't blame him for any resentment he harbored towards me. God, I even hate myself for me people pleasing behavior. It really comes down to my need to obey and please authority figures. It's so bad that in college, when I had to meet with a Psych professor about a bad test grade, I started crying in her office. I wasn't even in trouble! I just hated the fact that I had done something "wrong". How pathetic is that? Seriously, I can feel you actually rolling your eyes as you read this, and I am right there with you.
So, now that I'm a "grown-up" with a job and everything, the source of authority has shifted from parents and teachers to bosses. Well, one boss in particular. You know those cheesy motivational posters that have a picture of people in a canoe with the words TEAM WORK written underneath? My boss' picture would work perfectly for a DEmotivational poster. At the bottom would be the word AUTHORITY. And in small letters underneath it would say It is not your job to think for yourself; that's what I'm here to do. Deal with it. And the sad thing is I believe in that crap. If my boss tells me something that I know is complete bullshit (and trust me, this happens every other day), do I stand up for myself and give my boss a piece of my mind? No. Of course not. What I will do is proceed to have an imaginary confrontation, in which I say so many scathing comments and biting retorts that her head spins. In my own mind, I am a verbal genius. I am Norma Rae standing in front of a crowd shouting, "Union! Union!"
In reality, I am a passive, meek goody goody who doesn't want to step on anybody's toes. Sigh.
No comments:
Post a Comment