The wonders of self-diagnosis over the internet

When I woke up today, I was feeling a bit off.  So of course, I immediately hopped onto WebMD, so that I could do that thing where you click on the part of the body that hurts, and it tells you all the rare and deadly diseases you have because your knee itches.  Anyway, here are the symptoms that I checked off:

• Pale skin.  This actually has been a life-long condition, unfortunately.
• Difficulty standing.  It's true--I just wanted to lie in my bed all day instead of stand up and go to work.
• Fatigue.  See above comment.
• Muscle weakness.  Again, this is a chronic condition.  My legs get shaky from walking up the two flights of stairs to my apartment.  And I am never strong enough to get the lids of jars by myself.
• Reduced productivity at work.  Seriously, I was useless today.  Which is exactly what you want to hear from someone who's job is to be responsible for the safety and well-being of fifteen 6-year-olds.
• Short stature.  Sadly, this is genetic, and I'm afraid it's incurable.

Guess what?  There are 20 different things that could be wrong with me.  Of course, the first one on the list is "lack of exercise."  Geez, WebMD, you don't even know me--how dare you judge me!  For all you know, I could be going to the gym every day!  Yeah, I know I don't, but that's not the point.

I could also have something called hypopituitarism.  Scary, right?  Apparently, it's when your pituitary gland (which is in the brain) doesn't produce enough hormones.  Well, I can tell you with 100% certainty that this is NOT my problem.  I have years of acne and PMS to back me up when I say that I have hormones aplenty.  Ok, so that's off the list, but here are some of the other possibilities:

• hypocalcemia--not enough milk in your diet.  Yep, that's me.  (Sorry, mom, I know I know, I'm begging for osteoporosis later in life.)
• Chronic fatigue syndrome
• Acute stress reaction--HAHAHAHA have you been to where I work?  Everyone has this disease right now.
• Depression
• Sleep deprivation
• Anemia
• Underweight--I wish.
• Vitamin D deficiency--that's the vitamin you get by being out in the sun, right?  AHA!  Ding ding ding, we have a winner!

See, we here in Delaware have had four straight days of rain.  I think I've actually forgotten what the sun looks like.  Maybe this is a sign: I'm supposed to go live in sunny places like Australia, or Tahiti (oops, I first wrote Tahitit.  I don't think I have the qualifying assets to get to live there).  Oh dear, I'm supposed to go to NYC for grad school next year, a city that has decidedly too many rainy and cloudy days.  Maybe WebMD can write me a doctor's note explaining that I can only go to class on sunny days.  What do you say, internet docs, can you get on that?  Thanks.